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MARCH'S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES 

MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers, LEBANON, OHIO 



A Proposal in Grandma's Day 



By Jeannette Joyce 



PS 635 
.Z9 J89 



Qq 2 Copyright, 1920, by March Brothers 



CHARACTERS 



Charity — A prim maiden, very proper. 

David — A bashful youth. 

Ma Allen — A "buxom matron. 

Pa Allen — A serious man of middle age. 

Scene : Costumes and furnishings as old-fashioned as can be obtained. 

{Curtain raises on kitchen in Allen home with Charity seated peeling apples. 
She looks up excitedly as a rather timid knock is heard, then as the knock is 
repeated she forces herself to be calm and opens door.) 

David {entering with much embarrassment) : How do you do, Charity? 
(Standing stiffly.) 

Charity: I do well. {Long paus^.) How do you do, David? 

David: I do well. {Long pause.) How does your father and mother? 

Charity: They do well, too, Da-vid. {Very long pause; much shuffling of 
feet on David's part and twisting of apron strings on Charity's.) 

David: You was peelin' apples. Charity? 

Charity: Yes, David. 

David {seeing a chalice): May I help you, Charity? I'm a first rate peeler 
so mother says. 

Charity: I don't care if you do, David. You oau sit over here. {Places him 
at opposite side of tahle where he sits doivn and looks hopelessly ai his hat 
still in his hand.) 

David: "What shall I do with this, Charity? {Charity takes it and hangs it 
up with great care — silence, during which both work steadily. After clear- 
ing his throat several times, David resumes.) I didn't come to peel apples 
tonight, Charity. 



A Proposal in Grandma's Day 

— ' rj 



Cuarity {demurely surprised): Didn't you? J^)^ '\^ 



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David: No, I came to ask a question — a question {hesitating) . ^ /{ ^ 

Charity {demurely trying to help him) : Was it a riddle, David, or a conun- 
drum you 're going to ask ? 

David : No, not just exactly that, but something like it. My, the,se apples are 
knotty. 

Charity : Yes, Pa says they are considerably wormy this year. 

David {after m^re silence) : Do you like peelin' apples, Charity? 

Charity: I like it right smart. 

David: We got a whole orchard full of apples that goes to waste every yeiir for 
want of peelin', and I came over tonight to say something to yon. 

Charity : About the apples, David ? 

Davip: Well, yes; 'twas about apples and 'twasn't. {Cries out as he cuts his 
finger.) 

Charity {going around table to him): Oh! David, you've cut your finger. 
Let me wrap it up for you. {Proceeds to do so.) 

Da-VId {encouraged iy her nearness) : I remember now what I came for, 
Cii-^ritv; I came to ask you to — ^to marry me. 

Charity {starting hack) : Oh! David, you oughtn't — really you oughtn't. 

David: Why we've been keepin' company two years come next month, and 
I've never gone to see another girl in all that time. Won't you marry me, 
Charity? 

Charfty: I don't know, David, that must be as Pa and Ma decides. Ask 
them. {Pa and Ma enter on last words and all David's emharrassment 
returns.) 

Pa Allen: Good evenin', David; was you speakin' of something we could do 
for you? 

David: Well, no — ^yes — not exactly. 

Pa Allen: Like to borrow something, would you? 

David: No, I don't want to borrow anything. 

Pa Allen: Buy then? Your father was coTisiderin' a couple of calves I — 

Ma Allen {putting hand on Pa's arm) : Pa, let David talk. 

Pa Allen {not grasping situation as he looks around) : Oh! Well, talk, young 
man. 

OCT -I I92G 



A Proposal in Grandma's Day 



David {forcing speech,) : How — how's the corn comin' on for you, Mr. Allen? 

pA Allen: Why first rate, David. Would you like to engage some seed of 
me this fall? 

David : No, I don't want to engage no seed com — I — I — 

Ma Allen {in Pa's ear) -. Pa, ask him if he wants you to give him something. 

Pa Allen {mystified) : David, is there anything I can give you? 

David {jumping at this suggestion) : Your daughter — I want to marry her. 

Pa Allen: Well, now that is something. We'll have to ask the boss. What 
do you say, mother? 

Ma Allen : I siay it is no more than I 've expected — girls go ahead and get 
engaged so easy these days. It's not like it was when I was young. 

Pa Allen : Now mother, you forget. Don 't you remember — 

Ma Allen {breaking in) : There's one thing I do remember {moving over to 
table), and that's these apples. Come on, Pa, and help peel. For if ever 
they're tended to I'll have it to do. 

David {taking Charity's hand, hut glancing over at Ma and Pa) : I've S- 
notion, a great notion, to — 

Charity : To what, David ? 

David: To kiss you, Charity. . / 

{Curtain) 



LltlKHKY Ul- LUNUKtbb 



017 400 015 3 • 



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MARCH'S FAiVlOUS FUNNY FARCES 

Five for 25 cent*. Not Lets than Five Sold. 

AUNT JANE VISITS SCHOOL. By .Toannrftp Joyoo. Any nnmbcr of mnlofs nnd fcmnled. AftPr fifty 

ypiirs .Mint Jano s|M>ndH h inoniiiic in a nxxlern scliool. H<t oliservatlons ki-cp thp audience in a roar. 

AINT JKRISII.V AND I NCLK JOSH. Ky Effle I>oulS4» Kooglc. I male, 2 femaleB. These eccentric 

folk visit the school. proUucing no end of fun. 
AL'NT Ll'ClNDY STAYS. I5y Willis N. Bugbcc. 2 males, 2 females. Two darky characters make 

lots of fun. Clever and clean. 
"BEAT ITI" Hy Willis N. Hucbee. 3 males, 1 female. A ecolding wife maken trouble for everybody, 

the parson Ini-fudi-d. Oceans of fun. 
BETTY AND BETSY'. 15y Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Betsy was advertised for sale, but 

he wantiHi Uttty. Rrlcht and pretty. 
THE BltiTOWN B.YND. By Archibald ITuraboldt. 4 males, 1 female. More fun than you can Imagrlne, 

and a little music which anybody can make. 
THE BrZZVII.LE NEWS. By Kflie Louise Koogle. 2 males, 1 female. A breezy conversation between 

the innnapcr and new editor. A sure hit. 
DOT ENTERTAINS. Uy Klizalxtb K. Oiiptlll. 1 male, 1 female. Dot entertains her big sister's beau, 

and the tiling's she tells him are a plenty. A big success. 
TDK (iOOSE FE.VTHKKBKD. By Willis N. Bui;bee. 4 males, 1 female. A dandy little play for Irish 

and ci-.fiitrlc characters. Easy and amusinc 
H.VSTE .M.\KF;s W.YSTE. By Ilarrictte Wilbur. 3 males. The young drug clerk hurriedly grabs the 

wn.ijf I'd He and learns that haste makes waste. 
IN A DOCTOR'S OFriC'K. By .Icannclte Joyce. 4 males, C females. A take-off on the specialist of 

toiliiv Iniiilcnially a number of the follies of humanity are exposed in a lauKhahle manner. 
L.Vl (illTER AND SON(i. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males, 4 females. Comic dialog interspersed with 

jollv songs, making a continuous funny story. 
LOOK OCT FOR HEZEKI.VH. By L/)Uise Rand Bascom. 3 males. 1 female. Hayseed parents visit 

college dean. Splendid opiiorlunity for clever acting. Bright and amusing. 
THE LDN.ATIO OR THE PROFESSOR. By l.ouise Rand Bascom. 2 males, 2 females. The lunatic 

is mistaken for the brain specialist, which is hard on the lunatic. Great. 
MORE TI.ME Ol T. By Carolyn P. Rice. 7 females. An amusing comedy dealing with the servant 

liroblein. Tlic characters are strongly contrasted. Easy, but eflectivc. 
NO I'EDDLERS ADMITTED, By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 1 female. The busy man Intended not 

to biiv. but the peddler had a suave manner. 
OH, YOU TEACHER! By C. A. Donaldson. 8 males, 4 females. A splendid comedy of school life, 

s'lowing the amateur teacher's trials. Funny and well suited for schools. 
ONE OX THE .ACiENT. By l.ouise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. A clever skit, bright and telling 
V repartee. Kcconimendfd for all occasions. 

NtHE "I'HYSIC.M. TOKTl RE" CLUB. By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 fi-males. Physical culture 
\ exercises for uliich .Ma is ti'o stout and I'a is too rheumatic. Killingly funny. 
A\ I'HOrOSAL IN (iRAND.ALV'S DAY. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. Full of fun for 

ihe modern aiidii-nce. 
RASTUS BLINK'S MINSTRELS. By EfBe Ix)uise Koogle. For any numl>er. His "Kinky Koons are 

killing. The iolliest minstrel show ever. A deluge of drollery. 
"SCAT!" By l/mise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. Cunning attempt of an old maid to prove her 

voutli Verv laughable. 
SEEING THE ANI.MALS. By Clara J. Denton. 1 male, 2 females. A swell hotel clerk, a euffragette, 

and a spoihd child ni:ike a lively time. A hit. 
THE SQIASHVILI.E FIRE BRUJ^YDE. By Willis N. Bugbee. 3 males, 2 females, and other firemen, 

if dcsind A brisk and snappy little dialog. Easy and clever. 
THE STUI'ID WITNESS. By .\rrliibalil llumlK)ldt. 3 males. The lawyer and witness lock horns and 

have an awful time but it's fun for the audience. Swift and keen. 
THE TRAIN I EAVES IN TF:N MINUTES. By l.ouise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 2 females. Will they 

catch the 'train V The awful suspense is punctured by fun and wit ,, , , , 

TIIF^ TRAIN TO MORROW. By Jcanni'tte Joyce. 3 males, 2 females. (onfuslon in a railway 

station rcsnlliiig in no emi of fun for the audience. „ . „ . . „ 

THF TRAVELING FlIOTOC.R.XriIER. By Kate Alice 'White. 3 males, 2 females. n« unexpecfe<lly 

visits a farnnr's familv. All work is stopped and they pose for the picture. 
AN UI'-TO-D.YTK PROPOSAL. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. .\ roaring farce that will 
krep the audience interested every minute. Effective when used with 'A Proposal in Grandma's Day," 

but ea<'h conitdete In Itself. „„.,,„,,,,„ . . 

WANTED: .V LICENSE TO WED. By F.lizabeth F. Guptlll. 2 males, 1 female. ITumorous situation 
resulting from u misunderstanding. Irish dialect. 

No entertainments sent on approval or exchanged. 

MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers, 208-210-212 Wright Ave, Lebanon, O. 



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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



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